“When you begin to clear the energy around you that no longer serves you… the things around you have to fall apart to match your current energy.”
Breakthroughs break things.
There is no growth without losing some of what we possess now. To grow we must let go. This is one of the tough realities of the therapeutic process. Much of therapy is concerned with how events in the past have impacted who we are and how we act in the present moment. Whether by holding onto negative or distorted beliefs, being reactive from triggering situations, or having maladaptive coping skills that bring us further from our values- past events can create future challenges.
“I feel that if I am not struggling enough, I will create a situation where I can suffer the right amount. I can never get to the place to truly feel free. What is freedom?”
At times when we seek the flavor of life, we crush its’ fruits into pulp. Freedom is acceptance. We are not in control. Freedom is to surrender to the journey we are on and go along for the ride. The human desire for control is one of our strongest natural inclinations, displayed by the rigidity of systems in broader society. Desiring control has driven much innovation to make things more efficient or comfortable, yet efficiency and comfort do not always lead to fulfillment. When things are too comfortable many of us will find ways to manufacture friction in our lives.
To change things up…
This can be done in healthy and unhealthy manners, but the desire to change things looms. This resistance to accepting reality is what keeps us from being free. A useful way to challenge that resistance is by practicing radical acceptance. In a video interview, creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Marsha Linehan discusses how her experiences residing with Buddhist Monks taught her how to practice radical acceptance. She describes it as “It was really the practice of letting go of having to have what you wanted at any moment” (BorderlinerNotes, 2017, 2:10).
A key term Linehan uses in that statement is practice, as radical acceptance is not a permanent state of being it takes work. Much like radical acceptance, freedom will not be a constant in our lives. There will consistently be curve balls, memories, or changes that life throws at us seemingly at the worst possible times. Practices such as radical acceptance will give us the freedom to accept reality and operate in the present.
This is why at Torus we advocate for mindful healing practices such as talk therapies, DBT, meditation, yoga, EMDR, massage, acupuncture, and many more which, help us both accept how the past has impacted us and better learn how to be attuned to the present.
Written by: Nick Shaw, MSW Intern
References
BorderlinerNotes. (2017, April 14). How she learned radical acceptance | MARSHA LINEHAN
[Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTG7YEWkJFI